At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
