The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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