Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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