Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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