sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
