I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
