youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
