Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
