Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
