Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
