how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
