no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
