and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
