I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
