What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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