At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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