I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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