A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How external is "for external use only"?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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