If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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