that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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