I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
