she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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