Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
