Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
