i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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