We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
