Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize