we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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