It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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