i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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