turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
