dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
