just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
