i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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