I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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