My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
