You can't special order awesome
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
