I cockslap morals
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
