This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
