you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize