Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
