heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
