You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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