Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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