theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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