he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
