I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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