do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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