Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
