I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
