we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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