I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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