she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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