There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
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I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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