I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
