the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't turn off my feet"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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