Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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