he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
