If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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