Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
