She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
