dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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