I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
