We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
