what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
