To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We left the knife in your bed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
