He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
