i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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