Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
