Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
