I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
