I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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