I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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