My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
