Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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